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27 April 2011 @ 10:16 am
I figure I'll start with a Dirty Sanchez and then get graphic  
Oh my, this is so delicious I had to share.

A contract for a health survey just came in.  Some Department of Something is doing a sexual attitudes survey.  Currently, the survey asks participants to answer items such as "My sexual knowledge and abilities are highly developed" and "I like learning about new ways to enhance my sexual pleasure."

They have hired an editor because these statements are "not specific enough" to get a good overview of sexual activity.  An actual health department has given me the go-ahead to be "specific" about detailed sex acts.

I have asked for clarification.  They said they didn't really know and that's why they needed help.  I'm now supposed to write "about a hundred" items which show exactly what people do in the bedroom.

If this wasn't already close to perfect, there is the eventual but inevitable joy of double-billing them when I follow their instructions to the letter and they have to come back for revisions to tone it down again.
 
 
 
UrsulaVursulav on April 27th, 2011 03:35 pm (UTC)
BWAHAHAHA!
Kristie: Fetishionicaq on April 27th, 2011 04:29 pm (UTC)
Oh. Oh my!
Dan/Дмитрийicedrake on April 27th, 2011 05:00 pm (UTC)
This is also the perfect opportunity to invent new names for sexual acts, and then watch all the extremely sexually liberated people panic about gaps in their education.

Just one or two; no need to overdo it :)
filthspigotfilthspigot on April 27th, 2011 05:02 pm (UTC)
This. Oh my goodness.

I just invented the "Egg Wrangler" and the "Penn in Tell-her." Thank you so much for the suggestion.
garytgaryt on April 28th, 2011 11:22 am (UTC)
Don't forget the "Louisville Plugger" and the "Ghost of Ben Franklin".
Djinn the Spazz: skaWEEdjinnthespazz on April 27th, 2011 07:12 pm (UTC)
!
Lady Laurel Kay Pendragonkaypendragon on April 28th, 2011 12:23 pm (UTC)
Dude, no complaints that they're paying you to do this but.... um... The internet already has dozens of these....
toastqueen: Garden State-Ballstoastqueen on April 28th, 2011 01:14 pm (UTC)
So, the girl I remember couldn't wouldn't describe how the penis becomes erect in AP Biology due to embarrassment. I take it you've come a long way from there???
Carlotadollraves on May 1st, 2011 01:24 am (UTC)
Well...she does go by "filthspigot" these days for a reason... ;)
Carlotadollraves on May 1st, 2011 01:24 am (UTC)
Seriously, have these people never heard of the Purity Test? Maybe you should direct them to a copy. :D