Silly people

So - edited to remove the name - a certain recent convention - end edit was fantastic but there was a specific group of exhibitors who will remain nameless, and who came to the convention to find and recruit new members to their organization. I met one gentleman from their group who was extremely polite and friendly, but everyone else had no understanding of appropriate social interaction. And the thing that was really, really annoying was that they'd go around and corner the vendors behind their tables, then literally quiz them to see if their captive audience qualified for membership in their organization... at one point I got so fed up with this that I started telling bad jokes so the dude testing me would think I was an idiot and would leave me alone.

Anyhow, one woman from this organization was easily the worst customer over the three-day weekend. She had no manners, no respect for the person she was talking to, and treated me personally like dirt. Later, she came back and was about a bazillion times worse to Jennie - to the point where she was stealing from Jennie, I shit you not! - but Jennie asked me to write up the story of the first time that Lady Weirdo dropped by the table...

LW (picks up some merchandise): Is this yours?
ME: No, it’s Jennie Breeden’s. She’s the creator of the Devil’s Panties, a semi-autobiographical comic strip.
LW: You’re not her?
ME: No.
LW: Okay. (pause) You don't do this?
ME: No. I do a different comic and I'm watching her table while she's away.
LW: When can I talk to her?
ME: She’s at a panel right now but she’ll be back in about an hour or so.
LW: Where is she?
The tinkling of warning bells.
ME: You can see her from here. That big group of people over there? Jennie’s the one who’s talking to them.
LW: When will she be back?
ME: The panel just started, so probably in an hour or so.
LW: When will she be back?
ME: After the panel is over? Probably about the time it takes her to walk from there to here.
Keep in mind she’s pawing through Jennie’s stuff while she’s talking to me. Just grabbing and tossing merchandise however she feels like it – Once, a creator told me that half of a grilled cheese sandwich fell out of a fan’s pocket and landed on an original inked page from his comic, so Lady Weirdo wasn’t quite that bad, but she had no sense of accountability for Jennie’s merchandise.
ME (trying to get rid of her): You could go and sit in on the panel, you know. The one that’s not even fifty feet away? Then you’ll know when it’s over.
ME (really making an effort): The panel just started. Go on, it'll be fun!
Lady Weirdo holds up a deck of cards.
LW: What are these?
ME: Uh… playing cards.
LW: I know that.
ME: Okay.
LW: Do you have any other cards?
Now, here’s where I made a mistake. Jennie did have another, different deck of cards; she had done two printings and the cards on the table were from the second printing. So when Lady Weirdo asked about another set of cards, I made the assumption that she was a fan of the Devil’s Panties and was looking for the original, hard-to-find set.
ME: I’m not sure where she’s keeping the other deck of cards. I don’t know if she brought any with her today.
LW (holds up two sets of cards): You have two sets here.
ME: Actually, ma’am, those are the same set.
LW: The pictures are different.
ME: No, you’re just looking at the front and the back of the same deck. See?
I take the two sets from her and show her that the pictures are the same when they are turned the right way.
ME: It’s the same set of cards, just that the two sides are different. Like the cover of a book.
LW: I read books!
ME: Okay.
LW: These aren’t the same cards?
ME: They are the same cards.
LW: The pictures are different.
ME: These are the same cards.
Without asking, she breaks the seal on one of the decks and compares it to the opened deck. It was one of those things where it starts, you say "Hey!," but then the damage is already done so there's nothing else you can do about it.
LW: The pictures are different.
ME: Yes, ma’am. Jennie did more than fifty different pictures for the cards. Every card in the deck is unique.
LW: You said they were the same cards.
ME (quietly beginning to hulk out): I should have said they were the same decks. Each card in the deck is different.
LW (holds up one card from the deck she opened and one from the display set). These aren’t the same cards.
ME: That’s because you’re holding up the Jack of Diamonds and the Three of Hearts. Each card is different.
LW: You said the cards were the same.
ME: Okay. I was wrong. My bad. The one you opened is eight dollars. Can I get you anything else today?
LW: I don’t want these cards. I want the other ones.
ME: She doesn’t have them with her.
LW: The ink on these is too black.
ME: .................. what?
LW: The ink is too black. Is it this black in the sun?
ME: I really wouldn’t know.
LW: What do these look like in the sun?
ME: I haven’t looked at them outside.
LW: The ink is too black. I want a deck where the ink isn’t so black.
ME: Are you screwing with me?
LW: Is the ink this black on all of the cards?
ME: Yes. They are from the same print run, which means the ink will be the same on all of the cards.
LW: I don’t like it.
ME: I don’t know what to tell you.
LW: I want cards where the ink isn't this black.
ME: That's not going to happen.  Sorry.
LW: When will the other woman be back?
ME: As soon as her panel is over, but she’s going to tell you the same thing.
LW: I don't like these cards. They aren't what I want.
ME: I'll be sure to pass on your criticisms to Jennie when she returns (This is code for: We will make fun of you for years and years and years.).
LW (picks up a shotglass) I'll take two of these.
ME: Those are ten dollars each, so with the cards you opened, that will be $28.
LW: That's too expensive. I'll give you ten for the three.
ME: I can't do that, ma'am.
LW: Your prices are too high.
ME: Sorry.
LW: What’s free here?
ME: These business cards.
LW: Nothing else?
ME: No, but I have some free postcards from my comic.

She takes them, then throws them, the shot glasses, and the cards down on the table and walks away.  Jennie can tell the story of what happened when she came back.